THE SEXUAL HEALTH EXAM: CAN YOU BE INVOLVED IN A MUTUALLY PLEASING AND FULFILLING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE? CATASTROPHIZER


The Catastrophizer: This person pulls away from sexuality and most of life. The health problem becomes overwhelming, distracting him or her from any personal or marital strength that could save intimacy and contribute to healing. “When I lost my breast, I lost everything,” reported the wife. “The cancer took more than my breast, it took my marriage.” The husband offered help. “But, honey, your cancer was cured. There are no signs of it at all. You licked it. It’s gone.” She stared angrily at him. “You’ll never know what it’s like to sit on a time bomb like this. It could come back. If you want sex, go somewhere else. If that is all I am to you, even at a time like this, then leave me.” The husband offered her his handkerchief for her tears and she threw it to the floor.

Unlike the Accepter, this person is defeated and asks repeatedly, “Why me?” While such concerns are a natural phase of illness, the Catastrophizer remains stuck at this phase, mistaking diagnosis for verdict. He or she may withdraw from sex as a form of self- or partner punishment in a misguided attempt to strike back at the terrible injustice he or she has suffered. The Catastrophizer is the innocent prisoner of their health problem, while the Accepter is more the overwilling victim.

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